You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
