Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
