Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
