At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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