I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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