I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
