I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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