if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
