yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
third nipple confirmed
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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