Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
