I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
