Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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