i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I smell like Dick and happiness
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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