she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
