I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
