This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
