Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
