Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Randomize
