I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
