so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
