i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
