youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
