Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
