I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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