Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
