He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
