Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
