I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
