he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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