Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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