the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
