she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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