She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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