Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
