At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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