I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
