My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
