i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
