I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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