Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
