So drunk, too bad you don't want this
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
