i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
