just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
