you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
