mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
