I puked a lego.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
