You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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