Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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