Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
