I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
