I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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