Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I want to stick my p in your. b.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Randomize
